Start over. There should really be periods of creative destruction. Systems die without a reset function. That's where we get pollution and cancer. Build up is death; gunk is death. In economic systems, it’s backlog. In an airport line, it’s a delay.
When I was a kid, I would shoot free throws in the alley and think to myself, ‘if I make the shot, everyone I love will live forever. Somehow, life will be a miracle. If I miss, then death will exist.’ Every time I miss, I would make a new gamble with eternity. ‘I make this free throw’--as opposed to the last one–‘and now everyone I love will always live’. Somehow. I don't know what I was really thinking. I don't know what I expected. I wasn’t that young. 14, 15.
When I was in first grade, a guest speaker brought a meteorite and said that anyone who touched it would have their wishes come true. For the next week, whenever I jumped out of the tree in my backyard, I fully expected that I would be able to fly. I’m lucky I didn’t jump from higher up.