Writer's Diary
6/1/24
The cost of choosing one life is that you can no longer bolster your psyche with the idea that you might live other lives: that you might be a linguist, a lover, travel the world, be an athlete, an intellectual, an astronaut, an entrepreneur, a priest, and a revolutionary and so on. No, the thing about real life is it winnows you down, and that you winnow yourself down for the sake of having a tangible life to life. You discard dreams to stop the boat from sinking. And this is a good thing.
So much repression is just a fear of choosing; sex means constructing a version of yourself; living inside your mortality and your lust; living outside your own control. Weirdly, the sexually free person chooses to not choose—chooses to submerge. The repressive type waits at the edge of the pool, dipping their toes in.
Anxiety and repression are linked. Anxious person consoles themselves with repressions. A repressive person distracts themselves with anxiety.